Reclaim Your Power: 9 Steps to Heal After Narcissistic Abuse (card 39)

Here are 9 steps to reclaiming your power: 

1. Acknowledge the Loss

The first step to reclaiming your power is acknowledging that it was taken from you. Narcissistic abuse often leaves survivors feeling like they’ve been stripped of their identity, confidence, and autonomy. By confronting this reality and understanding how it happened, you can begin the process of healing.

One key aspect of this is recognising how you were manipulated, such as through Gaslighting (Card 1) or Love-Bombing (Card 3). Awareness is the foundation of change, and by identifying these manipulative tactics, you regain clarity and insight into your experiences.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Establishing firm boundaries is one of the most powerful ways to reclaim your autonomy. Narcissists are notorious for disregarding boundaries, and you may have found it difficult to assert them during the relationship. Now, it’s time to protect your space, time, and emotional well-being.

Refer back to Set Clear Boundaries (Card 12). Setting limits on what behaviour you will and will not tolerate is empowering. Whether you’re still in contact with the narcissist or are fully detached, boundaries help you reclaim your sense of control over your life.

3. Rebuild Trust in Yourself

One of the most damaging effects of narcissistic abuse is the erosion of self-trust. The constant manipulation and criticism from the narcissist can leave you doubting your own instincts and decisions. Rebuilding this trust is crucial for reclaiming your power.

Rebuild Trust in Yourself (Card 17) discusses how to reconnect with your inner wisdom. By learning to listen to and trust your instincts again, you strengthen your decision-making abilities and empower yourself to move forward with confidence.

4. Reclaim Your Time and Energy

Time and energy are two precious resources that narcissists often drain from their victims. Whether through excessive demands, constant drama, or emotional manipulation, a narcissistic relationship can leave you feeling depleted. Reclaiming these resources is a vital step in regaining your power.

Reclaim Your Time (Card 11) offers strategies for breaking free from time-draining behaviours. Focus on redirecting your time and energy toward things that nurture and uplift you. This could include hobbies, relationships, or self-care practices that were neglected during the abusive relationship.

5. Cultivate Self-Compassion

Healing from narcissistic abuse requires deep self-compassion. It’s easy to be hard on yourself, especially when you reflect on how you were manipulated or controlled. However, practising kindness toward yourself is essential for reclaiming your power.

Self-Compassion (Card 18) highlights how self-compassion allows you to heal without self-blame or shame. By treating yourself with care and understanding, you cultivate inner strength and empower yourself to move forward.

6. Guard Your Energy

Another essential aspect of reclaiming your power is protecting your energy. Narcissists are energy vampires, and even after the relationship ends, they may try to continue draining your emotional reserves through tactics like Hoovering (Card 10).

As Guard Your Energy (Card 19) suggests, it’s crucial to become aware of how your energy is spent and make conscious choices to protect it. This might involve reducing contact, setting emotional boundaries, or engaging in self-care practices that replenish your reserves.

7. Disconnect Digitally

In today’s digital age, staying connected with a narcissist can be easy, even after the relationship ends. Narcissists often use social media or texting to continue manipulating or controlling their victims. To fully reclaim your power, consider digitally disconnecting from the narcissist.

Disconnect Digitally (Card 20) provides guidance on how to cut digital ties effectively, ensuring that you can focus on your healing without being pulled back into the narcissist’s web.

8. Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool in the healing process. It allows you to become fully present in the moment, rather than being caught up in past traumas or future anxieties. Practising mindfulness enables you to take control of your thoughts and emotions, rather than allowing them to control you.

As Practice Mindfulness (Card 15) and Practice Gratitude (Card 23) explain, these practices can help you focus on what’s positive in your life, helping you regain your sense of calm and peace. Reclaiming your power is about focusing on the present moment and appreciating your strength and resilience.

9. Reconnect with Your Body

Narcissistic abuse often causes survivors to disconnect from their bodies, particularly when trauma responses like fight, flight, or freeze take over. Reconnecting with your body is a crucial part of reclaiming your power and healing from the trauma.

Reconnect with Your Body (Card 27) encourages survivors to engage in physical activities such as yoga (101 Mini Yoga Cards), Pilates (Joseph Pilates Card Deck), or yogic breathing (Blissful Breathing Card Deck), which can help re-establish a sense of safety and strength in your own body.