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Narcissist Mind Games
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This is card 1 of 52 of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck
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Narcissistic abuse is often insidious, working its way into your mind and emotions without you realising it.
One of the most powerful and dangerous tactics narcissists use is gaslighting—a form of psychological manipulation that causes you to doubt your reality, memories, and even your sanity. This is the first card in my Surviving Narcissism Card Deck, a 52-card tool I created to help survivors of narcissistic abuse heal, set boundaries, and reclaim their lives. You can find the full deck here.
Gaslighting is a tactic that narcissists employ to control you by making you question your perception of events, your memory, and even your sense of self. Over time, it can erode your confidence, making you feel powerless, confused, and dependent on the abuser.
In this blog post, we’ll explore how gaslighting works, how to recognize it, and how you can start to reclaim your reality if you’re a victim of it.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that causes someone to question their reality.
The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is going insane by subtly altering their environment and denying her perceptions. Narcissists use gaslighting as a control mechanism, slowly wearing down their victims’ confidence and sense of self-trust.
If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist, you’ve likely experienced gaslighting without even realising it. You might have found yourself second-guessing your own memories or feeling overly sensitive for reacting to their behavior. Gaslighting isn’t always overt, which makes it harder to detect. It often starts small—denying something happened, twisting facts, or telling you you’re too emotional—and slowly escalates to the point where you start doubting your own mind.
How Gaslighting Works: The Gradual Erosion of Reality
Gaslighting happens in stages, and it’s rarely obvious at first. Narcissists use it as part of a broader campaign of control, so the more entrenched you are in the relationship, the harder it can be to detect.
Here’s how the process typically works:
1. Denial of Events
The narcissist begins by denying things that happened, no matter how clear your recollection. You might say, “I remember you telling me you’d handle this,” and they’ll flat-out deny ever making such a promise. Over time, these denials cause you to question your memory. You wonder if you’re imagining things or if you’ve made some kind of mistake.
2. Twisting Reality
Narcissists are masters at distorting facts to suit their narrative. They might twist a conversation around until you’re not even sure what the original topic was. For example, you confront them about a hurtful comment, and suddenly they’re making it about how you’re “too sensitive” or that you “always blow things out of proportion.” This manipulation tactic shifts the focus from their behaviour to your reaction.
3. Projection
To maintain control, narcissists often project their behaviour onto you. If they are lying, cheating, or manipulating, they might accuse you of doing the same. Over time, this makes you feel like you’re the problem and not them, which keeps you off-balance and questioning yourself.
4. Gaslighting Through Isolation
Narcissists often attempt to isolate their victims from friends, family, and other support systems. They may tell you that your friends are “toxic,” or that your family is “jealous” of your relationship. In doing so, they reduce your ability to get external validation, leaving you more dependent on them. When you’re isolated, you’re less likely to receive the healthy perspective that could counter the gaslighting.
Signs You’re Being Gaslighted
Recognising gaslighting can be difficult, especially when you’re deep in the cycle of abuse. Here are some signs that you might be experiencing gaslighting in your relationship:
- You’re constantly second-guessing yourself: You often feel confused about what actually happened in a situation or doubt your memory of events.
- You feel like you’re “too sensitive”: The narcissist repeatedly tells you that your emotions are invalid or an overreaction.
- You apologise constantly: Even when you’re not in the wrong, you find yourself apologizing just to keep the peace or because you feel like you’ve somehow misunderstood the situation.
- You feel confused or “crazy”: You start to believe that you might be losing your grip on reality because the narcissist is so convincing in their denial or twisting of facts.
- You’re isolated from others: You no longer have a support system to validate your experiences, making it easier for the narcissist to maintain control.
How Gaslighting Impacts You
The effects of gaslighting are profound and long-lasting. Over time, it erodes your self-esteem, making it difficult to trust your own thoughts, feelings, and judgments.
Some of the emotional and psychological consequences include:
- Loss of self-trust: Gaslighting undermines your ability to rely on your own memory and instincts, leaving you unsure of what’s real.
- Anxiety and depression: Constant self-doubt and confusion can lead to heightened anxiety and feelings of worthlessness.
- Hypervigilance: You may start to walk on eggshells, constantly monitoring your behaviour and responses to avoid conflict or accusations of being “too sensitive.”
- Emotional dependency: Gaslighting can make you feel like you need the narcissist to interpret reality for you, deepening your emotional reliance on them.
How to Combat Gaslighting
If you’re being gaslighted, it’s crucial to take steps to protect your mental health and regain control of your reality.
Here are some strategies to help you break free from gaslighting:
1. Trust Your Gut
One of the first things gaslighting erodes is your sense of intuition. Start paying attention to your gut feelings, even if they conflict with what the narcissist is saying. Your body often knows when something is off before your mind does. Reconnect with your intuition by journaling or simply sitting with your feelings.
2. Keep a Record
One effective way to combat gaslighting is to keep a record of events. Write down conversations, interactions, and feelings as soon as they happen. This journal will serve as a tool to help you remember the facts and validate your own reality when the narcissist tries to twist things around.
3. Set Clear Boundaries
Gaslighting thrives on a lack of boundaries. Setting firm limits on what behaviours you will and won’t tolerate is essential. You have the right to protect your reality and your emotional health. If the narcissist continues to cross those boundaries, it may be time to consider no contact or limited contact to safeguard your mental well-being.
4. Seek External Validation
It’s easy to feel lost and confused when you’re being gaslighted, which is why external validation from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist is crucial. Share your experiences with those you trust, and ask for their perspectives. Sometimes, an outside view is all you need to reaffirm your reality.
5. Rebuild Your Confidence
Gaslighting shatters your self-confidence, but you can rebuild it over time. Start by celebrating small victories and reconnecting with things that bring you joy and fulfilment. Therapy can also be a helpful tool for regaining your sense of self and strength.
How the Gaslighting Card in the Deck Helps You
The Gaslighting card in my Surviving Narcissism Card Deck is a powerful reminder that your reality is valid. The card explains how gaslighting works and gives you the tools to begin trusting your perceptions again. It’s not about letting the narcissist define your reality—it’s about reclaiming it for yourself.
Gaslighting is the first card in the deck because it is often the foundation of a narcissist’s manipulation tactics. By understanding and recognising it, you take the first step toward breaking free from their control.
This card serves as a daily affirmation: You are not crazy. Your experience is real. You deserve to trust yourself.
Conclusion
Gaslighting is just one of the 52 cards in my Surviving Narcissism Card Deck.
Each card in this deck is designed to guide you through the different stages of healing from narcissistic abuse, from recognising manipulative tactics to setting boundaries and reclaiming your personal power. If gaslighting resonates with you, there are 51 more cards waiting to help you on your healing journey.
Here’s a look at the full deck:
Narcissist Mind Games (10 Cards)
- Gaslighting
- Love-Bombing
- Triangulation
- Silent Treatment
- Projection
- Blame Shifting
- Future Faking
- Flying Monkeys
- Smear Campaigns
- Hoovering
Self-Care & Boundaries (10 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Time
- Set Clear Boundaries
- No Is a Complete Sentence
- Limit Contact
- Practice Mindfulness
- Healthy Detachment
- Rebuild Trust in Yourself
- Self-Compassion
- Guard Your Energy
- Disconnect Digitally
Healing from Trauma (10 Cards)
- Acknowledge the Pain
- Journal Your Journey
- Practice Gratitude
- Release the Guilt
- Therapy Is Strength
- Feel to Heal
- Reconnect with Your Body
- Affirm Your Worth
- Focus on the Present
- Time Heals
Recognising Red Flags (8 Cards)
- Lack of Empathy
- Extreme Charm
- Need for Control
- Quick Intimacy
- No Accountability
- Inconsistent Behaviour
- Lack of Boundaries
- Isolating You
Empowerment & Rebuilding (8 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Power
- Find Your Voice
- Celebrate Small Wins
- Visualise Your Future
- Rebuild Your Identity
- Surround Yourself with Positivity
- Redefine Your Worth
- Embrace Freedom
Support Systems & Moving Forward (6 Cards)
- Find Your Tribe
- Share Your Story
- Healthy Relationships Exist
- No Contact Is Power
- Stay Educated
- Forgive Yourself First
Click here to explore the deck in full and take the first step in your healing journey.
By George Watts
