Card Category
Self Care & Boundaries
Card Number
This is card 12 of 52 of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck
Card Overview
Narcissistic abuse is one of the most emotionally taxing experiences a person can endure. The manipulative tactics used by a narcissist, from gaslighting to future faking, leave you questioning your reality and your worth. In order to start reclaiming your sense of self and begin the healing process, one of the most critical steps is to set clear boundaries. This is not easy, especially if you’ve been conditioned to ignore your own needs to avoid conflict or manage the narcissist’s emotions. However, setting firm boundaries is essential to protect your emotional well-being and reclaim control over your life.
This post will explore why boundaries are so important after narcissistic abuse, how to implement them, and how they can be your first line of defence against further manipulation. The “Set Clear Boundaries” card from the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck is designed to guide you through this crucial aspect of healing.
If you haven’t yet, you can get the full deck here – each card dives deep into the various manipulations and healing strategies to guide your recovery.
What Are Boundaries?
At their core, boundaries are limits we set for ourselves in relationships to define what we are and aren’t comfortable with. These are the rules that protect your emotional and physical space, and they dictate how others can treat you. Boundaries are an expression of self-respect, self-care, and a declaration of your personal needs.
For survivors of narcissistic abuse, boundaries can seem foreign or even scary. Narcissists typically disrespect boundaries, ignoring your right to privacy, independence, or emotional safety. You may have learned to avoid setting boundaries altogether to prevent backlash or emotional outbursts.
But as you embark on your healing journey, boundaries are essential. They represent your freedom from the narcissist’s control and manipulation.
Why Narcissists Hate Boundaries
Narcissists thrive on control and domination. Setting boundaries challenges their belief that they should have access to every part of your life, whether emotional, physical, or psychological. When you set boundaries, you deny them the power to manipulate, guilt, or overwhelm you. Narcissists often react with anger, passive-aggressive behaviour, or even love-bombing when faced with firm boundaries. These tactics are designed to break down your resolve and push you back into a vulnerable state where you’re easier to manipulate.
By setting boundaries, you’re not just protecting yourself — you’re standing up to the power dynamic the narcissist has tried to establish.
How to Set Clear Boundaries
Here are actionable steps you can take to set clear boundaries and begin reclaiming your time from the grasp of a narcissist.
Identify Your Limits
The first step in setting boundaries is to recognise your own limits. What behaviours are you no longer willing to accept? Make a list of actions that cross the line, whether it’s controlling your decisions, criticising you, invading your privacy, or emotionally manipulating you. This step is crucial because it allows you to clarify what your boundaries need to be.Be Direct and Assertive
Communicating your boundaries to a narcissist requires clear, direct, and assertive language. Narcissists will test your resolve, so you need to be firm without feeling guilty. For example, you might say, “I’m not comfortable when you criticise me in front of others, and I won’t tolerate it.” Avoid justifying or defending your boundary. Simply state your needs.Practice Consistency
Narcissists are known for pushing boundaries repeatedly, hoping you’ll eventually give in. Being consistent is key. Once you’ve set a boundary, hold firm to it, even when it’s difficult. Every time you stand your ground, you reinforce your worth and take back control over your life.Prepare for Resistance
Narcissists don’t like losing control, so expect resistance when you start enforcing boundaries. They might ignore your boundaries, lash out, or try to guilt-trip you. Anticipating this reaction can help you stay calm and resolute. Remember, their reaction is about their loss of control, not a reflection of your value or the validity of your boundary.Limit Contact if Necessary
Sometimes, the only way to maintain your boundaries is to limit contact with the narcissist. If they continue to disrespect your boundaries despite your best efforts, it may be necessary to go low-contact or no-contact for your own emotional safety. Limiting interaction can prevent further manipulation and give you the space to heal.Seek Support
Setting boundaries can feel isolating, especially if the narcissist tries to rally others against you (flying monkeys). Find support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse. They can provide encouragement and hold you accountable when it feels difficult to enforce your boundaries.
The Emotional Toll of Boundary Setting
Setting boundaries with a narcissist isn’t easy. It can trigger feelings of guilt, fear, and anxiety. You may feel like you’re being selfish or mean for putting your needs first. These emotions are normal, especially if you’ve spent a long time prioritising the narcissist’s needs over your own. However, it’s essential to remember that setting boundaries is an act of self-care, not selfishness.
Over time, as you maintain your boundaries, the emotional toll will lessen, and you’ll begin to feel more empowered. You’ll realise that your worth isn’t tied to how much you can give or sacrifice for others — it’s inherent, and boundaries help protect that worth.
Why Boundaries Are Vital to Your Healing
Narcissistic abuse often leaves survivors feeling powerless and disconnected from their own needs and desires. Boundaries help reverse this by giving you back the control that the narcissist took from you.
When you set clear boundaries, you:
- Regain Emotional Control: You’re no longer at the mercy of the narcissist’s moods or manipulations.
- Protect Your Mental Health: Boundaries help prevent emotional exhaustion and anxiety by limiting the narcissist’s access to your emotional world.
- Rebuild Your Self-Worth: Each boundary you set reinforces the message that you deserve respect and that your needs matter.
- Create Space for Healing: By limiting the narcissist’s influence, you create space for self-reflection, self-care, and growth.
Conclusion: Setting Boundaries Is Your Right
Setting boundaries with a narcissist isn’t just about protecting yourself in the moment — it’s about reclaiming your life. When you set boundaries, you are declaring that you will no longer tolerate manipulation, disrespect, or emotional abuse. You’re standing up for yourself, and that’s an incredibly powerful thing.
The Surviving Narcissism Card Deck is designed to help you see through these tactics and regain control over your life.
Here’s a look at the full deck:
Narcissist Mind Games (10 Cards)
- Gaslighting
- Triangulation
- Love-Bombing
- Silent Treatment
- Projection
- Blame Shifting
- Future Faking
- Flying Monkeys
- Smear Campaigns
- Hoovering
Self-Care & Boundaries (10 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Time
- Set Clear Boundaries
- No Is a Complete Sentence
- Limit Contact
- Practice Mindfulness
- Healthy Detachment
- Rebuild Trust in Yourself
- Self-Compassion
- Guard Your Energy
- Disconnect Digitally
Healing from Trauma (10 Cards)
- Acknowledge the Pain
- Journal Your Journey
- Practice Gratitude
- Release the Guilt
- Therapy Is Strength
- Feel to Heal
- Reconnect with Your Body
- Affirm Your Worth
- Focus on the Present
- Time Heals
Recognising Red Flags (8 Cards)
- Lack of Empathy
- Extreme Charm
- Need for Control
- Quick Intimacy
- No Accountability
- Inconsistent Behaviour
- Lack of Boundaries
- Isolating You
Empowerment & Rebuilding (8 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Power
- Find Your Voice
- Celebrate Small Wins
- Visualise Your Future
- Rebuild Your Identity
- Surround Yourself with Positivity
- Redefine Your Worth
- Embrace Freedom
Support Systems & Moving Forward (6 Cards)
- Find Your Tribe
- Share Your Story
- Healthy Relationships Exist
- No Contact Is Power
- Stay Educated
- Forgive Yourself First
Click here to explore the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck in full and take the first step in your healing journey.
By George Watts
