Card Category
Self Care & Boundaries
Card Number
This is card 18 of 52 of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck
Card Overview
Welcome to the 18th card of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck. If you’re navigating the tumultuous waters of recovery from narcissistic relationships, you may feel like you’re in a constant battle with your own thoughts and emotions. This card, “Self-Compassion,” focuses on the essential practice of being kind to yourself during your healing journey.
If you haven’t yet, you can get the full Surviving Narcissism Card Deck here – each card dives deep into the various manipulations and healing strategies to guide your recovery.
Understanding Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you would offer a friend in distress. It involves three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.
Self-Kindness: Instead of harshly judging yourself for your inadequacies or mistakes, self-kindness encourages you to be gentle with yourself during difficult times.
Common Humanity: This aspect recognises that suffering and personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. We are not alone in our struggles.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves being aware of your thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. It allows you to observe your experiences without judgment.
In the context of healing from narcissistic abuse, self-compassion becomes even more critical. The effects of narcissistic relationships can leave deep emotional scars, often causing us to internalise blame and shame. However, embracing self-compassion can pave the way for healing and growth.
The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on Self-Compassion
Narcissistic abuse can distort your self-perception, making it difficult to practice self-compassion. Many survivors experience feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and self-doubt, often exacerbated by the manipulative tactics discussed in these these cards of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck.
- Gaslighting (Card 1) can warp your perception of reality, leading you to doubt your thoughts and feelings.
- Triangulation (Card 2) creates confusion and chaos, leaving you feeling isolated and unsupported.
- Love-Bombing (Card 3) followed by withdrawal can leave you feeling unworthy of love and affection.
- The Silent Treatment (Card 4) can instil feelings of abandonment and rejection, making it challenging to be kind to yourself.
- Projection (Card 5) and Blame Shifting (Card 6) can make you believe that your feelings are invalid or that you are solely to blame for conflicts.
These patterns can lead to a cycle of negative self-talk and self-criticism, making self-compassion feel foreign or undeserved. However, it is essential to recognise that self-compassion is not a luxury; it is a necessity for healing.
6 Ways To Cultivate Self-Compassion
Here are 6 ways to cultivate self-compassion:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Start by recognising your emotions without judgment. Instead of pushing away feelings of sadness or anger, allow yourself to experience them. Use mindfulness techniques (referenced in Card 15) to observe your feelings without becoming overwhelmed.
Practice Self-Kindness: Replace self-criticism with kindness. When you notice negative self-talk, pause and ask yourself how you would respond to a friend in a similar situation. Would you berate them or offer them comfort and understanding?
Embrace Common Humanity: Remind yourself that everyone struggles. You are not alone in your pain. Connecting with others who have experienced similar situations can foster a sense of belonging and reduce feelings of isolation.
Set Boundaries: As emphasised in Card 12 (set clear boundaries) and Card 14 (limit contact), setting boundaries is crucial for self-care. Protecting your emotional and mental space allows you to practice self-compassion without the interference of toxic influences.
Rebuild Trust in Yourself: Building self-trust (Card 17) is integral to self-compassion. Engage in activities that affirm your worth, whether it’s pursuing a hobby like Pilates (check our my Joseph Pilates Card Deck), practicing self-care routines, or spending time with supportive individuals.
Limit Contact with Toxic People: As outlined in Card 14 (limit contact), limiting contact with narcissists can create the space needed for self-compassion to flourish. It allows you to focus on your healing without the added stress of manipulation and negativity.
Four Exercises for Practicing Self-Compassion
Below are 4 exercises for practicing self-compassion:
1. Self-Compassion Journal
Start a self-compassion journal where you can express your feelings without judgment. Each day, write down one thing you are struggling with, followed by a compassionate response to yourself.
For example:
- Struggle: “I feel like I’m failing at my job.”
- Compassionate Response: “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Many people struggle with their work. I am doing my best, and that’s enough.”
2. Yogic Breathing
Add Yogic breathing exercises to your self-care routine (take a look at my Blissful Breathing Card Deck). These breathing exercises can help you connect with your inner voice and promote feelings of love and acceptance.
3. Affirmations
Within your journal create a list of self-compassion affirmations to recite daily.
Here are some examples:
- “I am worthy of love and kindness.”
- “My feelings are valid, and I deserve to feel them.”
- “I forgive myself for past mistakes.”
4. Visualisations
Visualise a loving and supportive figure (real or imagined) who embodies compassion. Picture this figure offering you comfort and understanding during moments of self-doubt. This exercise can help reinforce the idea that you are deserving of kindness.
The Transformative Power of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion can significantly alter how you perceive your experiences and respond to challenges. When you approach life with compassion for yourself, you create a buffer against the harshness of narcissistic manipulation. You begin to understand that your worth is inherent and not defined by the opinions or actions of others.
Practicing self-compassion can lead to:
- Improved Emotional Resilience: You become better equipped to handle setbacks without resorting to negative self-talk.
- Healthier Relationships: As you learn to treat yourself with kindness, you will likely extend that kindness to others, fostering healthier connections.
- Increased Self-Awareness: You become more attuned to your needs and feelings, empowering you to advocate for yourself effectively.
- Reduced Anxiety and Depression: Research shows that self-compassion can lower symptoms of anxiety and depression, making it a powerful tool for mental well-being.
Conclusion: Why Self-Compassion is Essential for Recovery
As you continue on your journey of healing from narcissistic abuse, remember that self-compassion is not merely a suggestion; it is a vital practice for your well-being. By embracing self-kindness, recognising your shared humanity, and engaging in mindfulness, you can create a nurturing relationship with yourself.
Add the lessons from this card with the strategies from the previous cards in the deck. Remember the importance of reclaiming your time (Card 11), setting clear boundaries (Card 12), and saying no (Card 13) when necessary.
By practicing self-compassion, you lay the foundation for a healthier and more empowered you.
If you want to explore these and other strategies in-depth, I encourage you to check out the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck for guidance on your journey.
Here’s a look at the full deck:
Narcissist Mind Games (10 Cards)
- Gaslighting
- Triangulation
- Love-Bombing
- Silent Treatment
- Projection
- Blame Shifting
- Future Faking
- Flying Monkeys
- Smear Campaigns
- Hoovering
Self-Care & Boundaries (10 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Time
- Set Clear Boundaries
- No Is a Complete Sentence
- Limit Contact
- Practice Mindfulness
- Healthy Detachment
- Rebuild Trust in Yourself
- Self-Compassion
- Guard Your Energy
- Disconnect Digitally
Healing from Trauma (10 Cards)
- Acknowledge the Pain
- Journal Your Journey
- Practice Gratitude
- Release the Guilt
- Therapy Is Strength
- Feel to Heal
- Reconnect with Your Body
- Affirm Your Worth
- Focus on the Present
- Time Heals
Recognising Red Flags (8 Cards)
- Lack of Empathy
- Extreme Charm
- Need for Control
- Quick Intimacy
- No Accountability
- Inconsistent Behaviour
- Lack of Boundaries
- Isolating You
Empowerment & Rebuilding (8 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Power
- Find Your Voice
- Celebrate Small Wins
- Visualise Your Future
- Rebuild Your Identity
- Surround Yourself with Positivity
- Redefine Your Worth
- Embrace Freedom
Support Systems & Moving Forward (6 Cards)
- Find Your Tribe
- Share Your Story
- Healthy Relationships Exist
- No Contact Is Power
- Stay Educated
- Forgive Yourself First
Click here to explore the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck in full and take the first step in your healing journey.
By George Watts
