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Card Category
Narcissist Mind Games
Card Number
This is card 6 of 52 of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck
Card Overview
Blame shifting is one of the most insidious tactics narcissists use to avoid responsibility for their actions and manipulate others into feeling guilty. It’s a classic form of psychological manipulation that leaves victims questioning themselves, even when they know they’ve done nothing wrong. In this blog post, we’ll explore how blame shifting works, why narcissists use it, and how you can protect yourself from this harmful behaviour.
This is card six of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck. The deck was designed to empower survivors by giving them tools to understand and overcome the manipulation they experienced, helping them regain control over their lives.
What Is Blame Shifting?
Blame shifting occurs when someone deflects responsibility for their own behaviour by accusing or blaming someone else. Narcissists use this tactic frequently because they struggle to accept any criticism or admit fault. Rather than facing their actions, they twist the narrative to make you feel responsible for the very issues they caused.
For example, let’s say you confront the narcissist about their hurtful behaviour. Instead of taking accountability, they’ll turn the tables, claiming you’re the one who’s at fault—perhaps for “provoking” them, being “too sensitive,” or “misinterpreting” their actions. Over time, this tactic erodes your self-esteem, leaving you questioning your reality and doubting your own perceptions.
How Narcissists Use Blame Shifting
Blame shifting serves several purposes for a narcissist. It helps them maintain a sense of superiority, avoids the discomfort of guilt, and keeps their victim under control.
Here are a few ways narcissists use blame shifting in their relationships:
Deflection: If you bring up a concern, the narcissist will immediately redirect the conversation to something you’ve done wrong, no matter how trivial. This tactic forces you to defend yourself instead of focusing on their behavior.
Playing the Victim: Narcissists are experts at playing the victim to avoid responsibility. They’ll twist the situation so that they seem like the one who’s been wronged, making you feel guilty for even bringing up the issue in the first place.
Gaslighting: Blame shifting often goes hand in hand with gaslighting. A narcissist will deny that they’ve done anything wrong and may accuse you of making things up, leaving you questioning your memory and judgment.
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at using emotions to manipulate others. They may cry, get angry, or sulk to make you feel like you’ve hurt them, even though they’re the ones at fault.
Projection: Narcissists often accuse others of the very behaviours they’re guilty of, a tactic known as projection. If they’re unfaithful, for example, they might accuse you of cheating or being disloyal.
Personal Experience with Blame Shifting
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse from a family member, I know firsthand how disorienting and painful blame shifting can be. Early in the relationship, whenever I’d bring up a concern or point out a boundary violation, the tables would instantly turn. I was made to feel like I was overreacting, or worse, that I was somehow to blame for the problem.
Over time, I found myself apologising for things I hadn’t done and feeling responsible for the narcissist’s behaviour. It felt like walking through a maze where every exit led back to me, filled with guilt and self-doubt. Blame shifting turned every discussion into a battleground where I could never win, and it deeply impacted my sense of self-worth.
It wasn’t until I began educating myself about narcissism and their manipulation tactics that I could break free from this toxic dynamic. Creating the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck, especially the card on blame shifting, was an emotional yet empowering experience. It helped me not only process the pain but also reclaim my sense of reality.
Why Blame Shifting Hurts So Much
Blame shifting undermines your confidence, making you feel like you’re always in the wrong. It forces you to defend yourself rather than hold the narcissist accountable, which can be exhausting and demoralising. This constant self-defence takes a toll on your emotional and mental health, as you begin to internalise the narcissist’s accusations, even when they’re baseless.
When blame shifting happens over a long period, it can lead to:
Chronic Self-Doubt: You begin questioning your actions, thoughts, and even your character. This self-doubt is exactly what the narcissist wants, as it makes you more controllable.
Feelings of Guilt: The narcissist’s manipulation makes you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault. Guilt becomes a tool they wield to keep you in line and under their control.
Emotional Exhaustion: Defending yourself against constant accusations drains your energy. Blame shifting can make every interaction with the narcissist feel like an emotional minefield.
Isolation: You may pull away from others out of fear that they’ll also see you as “the problem” or you may struggle to explain what’s happening. This isolation can deepen your feelings of helplessness.
How to Protect Yourself from Blame Shifting
The most effective way to counter blame shifting is to recognise it for what it is: a manipulation tactic designed to deflect responsibility and keep you off-balance.
Here are some strategies to protect yourself:
Stay Grounded in Reality: Remind yourself that the narcissist’s accusations are not a reflection of who you are. Write down facts and events to help you stay grounded in your own reality.
Don’t Take the Bait: When the narcissist tries to turn the conversation around, resist the urge to defend yourself. Instead, calmly return the focus to their behaviour.
Set Firm Boundaries: If the narcissist refuses to engage in a respectful conversation, set boundaries. For example, you can tell them that you won’t continue the conversation until they’re willing to listen without blame shifting.
Limit Contact: If possible, reduce your interactions with the narcissist. Limiting contact can help you avoid their manipulation tactics and preserve your emotional energy.
Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can help you see the situation clearly. Having a support system is crucial when dealing with blame shifting.
Educate Yourself: Learning about narcissistic tactics like blame shifting can empower you to recognise manipulation when it happens. The more you understand, the better equipped you’ll be to protect yourself.
Document Conversations: Keep a record of important conversations with the narcissist. This can help you identify patterns of blame shifting and remind yourself of the facts when they try to twist the narrative.
Trust Your Intuition: Your gut often knows when something isn’t right, even if the narcissist tries to convince you otherwise. Trust your instincts and don’t let their manipulation cloud your judgment.
Detach Emotionally: Blame shifting is designed to provoke an emotional response. By detaching emotionally from the narcissist’s accusations, you can avoid getting pulled into their game.
Practice Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that you are not responsible for the narcissist’s behaviour. Be kind to yourself, and don’t internalise their blame.
Conclusion
Blame shifting is a common tactic used by narcissists to deflect responsibility and manipulate their victims into feeling guilty. It can leave you feeling confused, defensive, and emotionally drained. However, by understanding how blame shifting works and using strategies to protect yourself, you can begin to break free from this toxic dynamic.
The key to dealing with blame shifting is to reclaim your power and protect your reality. Narcissists thrive on making you feel confused, guilty, and responsible for their actions. By recognising blame shifting for what it is—a tactic to avoid accountability—you can regain control over your emotions and the narrative of your life.
Card six of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck, Blame Shifting, is just one of the many tools designed to help you regain control and protect yourself from narcissistic manipulation.
Through my own journey, I’ve learned that healing is possible. Creating the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck has been both therapeutic and empowering, allowing me to transform my experiences into tools for healing and growth.
If you found this discussion on blame shifting eye-opening, I encourage you to explore the entire Surviving Narcissism Card Deck, which includes 52 cards, each addressing different aspects of narcissistic abuse and recovery.
Here’s a look at the full deck:
Narcissist Mind Games (10 Cards)
- Gaslighting
- Triangulation
- Love-Bombing
- Silent Treatment
- Projection
- Blame Shifting
- Future Faking
- Flying Monkeys
- Smear Campaigns
- Hoovering
Self-Care & Boundaries (10 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Time
- Set Clear Boundaries
- No Is a Complete Sentence
- Limit Contact
- Practice Mindfulness
- Healthy Detachment
- Rebuild Trust in Yourself
- Self-Compassion
- Guard Your Energy
- Disconnect Digitally
Healing from Trauma (10 Cards)
- Acknowledge the Pain
- Journal Your Journey
- Practice Gratitude
- Release the Guilt
- Therapy Is Strength
- Feel to Heal
- Reconnect with Your Body
- Affirm Your Worth
- Focus on the Present
- Time Heals
Recognising Red Flags (8 Cards)
- Lack of Empathy
- Extreme Charm
- Need for Control
- Quick Intimacy
- No Accountability
- Inconsistent Behaviour
- Lack of Boundaries
- Isolating You
Empowerment & Rebuilding (8 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Power
- Find Your Voice
- Celebrate Small Wins
- Visualise Your Future
- Rebuild Your Identity
- Surround Yourself with Positivity
- Redefine Your Worth
- Embrace Freedom
Support Systems & Moving Forward (6 Cards)
- Find Your Tribe
- Share Your Story
- Healthy Relationships Exist
- No Contact Is Power
- Stay Educated
- Forgive Yourself First
Click here to explore the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck in full and take the first step in your healing journey.
By George Watts
