Rebuild Trust in Yourself: After Narcissistic Abuse (card 17)

Below are 8 ways to rebuild trust in yourself:  

1. Acknowledge the Damage
   Before you can heal, you need to acknowledge the damage caused by narcissistic abuse. Take time to reflect on how the narcissist’s manipulation eroded your self-trust. Were there specific instances of gaslighting or blame-shifting, like those outlined in Card 6 – Blame Shifting, that made you doubt yourself? Write down these instances to understand how the abuse played a role in diminishing your trust.
   
   

2. Practice Self-Compassion
   Rebuilding trust starts with self-compassion. Understand that you are not at fault for being manipulated. Narcissists are skilled at making their victims feel responsible for their own mistreatment, as discussed in Card 5 – Projection. Let go of any shame or guilt associated with the abuse, and recognise that rebuilding trust is part of the healing journey.
   
   

3. Listen to Your Intuition
   Narcissists often cause you to ignore your intuition, leading you to second-guess your instincts. Reconnecting with your inner voice is a powerful way to rebuild trust. Start by tuning into your gut feelings in small, low-stakes situations. Over time, as you see that your intuition is reliable, your confidence in making decisions will grow.
   
   

4. Take Small Steps Toward Independence
   Start rebuilding trust by taking small steps toward autonomy. Make simple decisions without seeking external validation. It could be as minor as choosing what to wear or what to eat for dinner. Gradually, as your self-trust strengthens, you’ll feel more comfortable making larger decisions. Each time you trust yourself, you’re reinforcing that you don’t need the narcissist’s approval or anyone else’s.
   
   

5. Set Clear Boundaries
   Setting and maintaining boundaries is a key aspect of regaining self-trust. Boundaries protect your energy and show that you respect yourself enough to say no, as explored in Card 13 – No Is A Complete Sentence. When you set boundaries, you reclaim your power from the narcissist or anyone trying to manipulate you.
   
   

6. Reframe Mistakes as Learning Experiences
   One of the ways narcissists keep you under their control is by amplifying your mistakes, making you feel incapable. When rebuilding trust in yourself, reframe mistakes as opportunities for growth, not reasons for self-doubt. Remember, no one is perfect, and mistakes are a natural part of learning. Embrace them with self-compassion.
   
   

7. Engage in Mindfulness
   Practicing mindfulness helps you stay grounded in the present moment and reconnect with your authentic self. By focusing on the here and now, you can quiet the internalised voices of doubt and manipulation instilled by the narcissist. This mindfulness practice complements the guidance provided in Card 15 – Practice Mindfulness, where staying present helps you regain mental clarity.
   
   

8. Celebrate Your Successes
   Each time you make a decision that honours your well-being or sets a boundary, celebrate it. Acknowledge your progress in rebuilding self-trust, no matter how small it may seem. Positive reinforcement is essential in creating new, healthier patterns of thinking.