Reclaim Your Time: Breaking Free from Narcissistic Control (card 11)

Here are actionable steps you can take to begin reclaiming your time from the grasp of a narcissist.

1. Set Clear Boundaries Around Your Time

Establishing boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissist. Let them know when you are available and, more importantly, when you are not. For example, if they tend to call you late at night or during times you’ve set aside for yourself, communicate clearly that those times are non-negotiable.

2. Identify Time Wasters

Start paying attention to situations where the narcissist consumes your time. Do they drag you into long, unnecessary conversations? Are they creating emergencies or drama that require your immediate attention? Identifying these patterns will help you address and eliminate them.

3. Schedule Time for Yourself

Take control of your schedule by actively setting aside “you time.” This could be for hobbies, self-care (yoga), personal development, or simply relaxing (yogic breathing techniques). Once that time is scheduled, treat it as a non-negotiable appointment with yourself.

4. Limit Contact

If possible, limit the amount of time you spend interacting with the narcissist. This could mean reducing face-to-face interactions, cutting down on phone calls, or even taking a social media break. Any reduction in contact is a win for your mental health and your calendar.

5. Learn to Say No

Narcissists will push your boundaries, and one of the most empowering things you can do is learn to say no. This simple but powerful word can save you countless hours that would otherwise be wasted on someone else’s agenda.

6. Stop Reacting to Drama

Narcissists thrive on drama and conflict, and they will do anything to draw you into their web of chaos. Refuse to engage. By staying calm and detached, you deprive them of the attention they crave, while preserving your time and energy for more important things.

7. Delegate Tasks

If a narcissist tries to offload their responsibilities onto you, stand firm and suggest they handle it themselves or delegate it to someone else. You are not their servant, and your time should not be monopolised by their tasks.

8. Prioritise Your Goals

Narcissists often trick us into thinking their goals are more important than our own. Reclaim your time by refocusing on what you want to achieve in your life. Write down your goals and make them a priority in your schedule.

9. Recognise the Guilt Trips

Narcissists often use guilt to get what they want. When you start taking time for yourself, they may guilt-trip you by saying things like, “You’re being selfish,” or “After all I’ve done for you.” Recognise these tactics for what they are—manipulation—and stick to your boundaries.

10. Unplug From Constant Access

If you feel overwhelmed by constant calls, texts, or messages from the narcissist, consider taking a break from digital communication. Turning off notifications or even blocking them temporarily can give you the space and time to breathe.

11. Engage in Time-Tracking

Start tracking how you spend your time throughout the day. This will help you become more aware of where you might be losing time to unnecessary interactions or tasks initiated by the narcissist. Awareness is the first step in taking back control.

12. Practice Self-Care Without Guilt

Taking time for self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Whether it’s a walk in nature, playing with yoga cards, playing with pilates cards, or taking a long bath, prioritising your well-being is essential to reclaiming your time and energy.

13. Build a Support Network

Surround yourself with people who respect your time and encourage you to take care of yourself. A supportive network can help reinforce the boundaries you set and provide encouragement when you feel guilty about putting yourself first.

14. Celebrate Small Wins

Every time you say “no” or prioritise your own needs, celebrate it as a victory. These small actions are cumulative and will eventually lead to significant changes in how you spend your time.

15. Recognise Future Faking

Be aware of narcissists making promises about the future (future faking) to keep you invested. They may tell you that “things will change” or that they’ll start respecting your boundaries, but rarely do they follow through. Don’t waste time waiting for a change that will never come.