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Healing From Trauma
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This is card 25 of 52 of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck
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Therapy is not just a tool for healing; it’s a profound expression of strength and self-empowerment.
If you’re navigating the difficult path of healing after narcissistic abuse, embracing therapy can be transformative. This blog post focuses on Card 25: Therapy Is Strength from the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck and explores how seeking professional help is one of the most powerful actions you can take to regain control over your life. Therapy is often seen as a sign of weakness, but the truth is, it is one of the most courageous choices you can make on your journey to healing.
Before we dive deeper, it’s important to acknowledge the trauma you’ve endured. Narcissistic abuse is insidious; it damages your self-esteem, manipulates your perceptions, and warps your reality. If you’ve experienced gaslighting (as discussed in Card 1: Gaslighting) or have been subjected to blame-shifting (Card 6: Blame Shifting), you may still be carrying the burden of self-doubt and guilt. Therapy can help untangle these distorted beliefs and set you on a path toward clarity, peace, and self-compassion.
If you haven’t yet, you can get the full Surviving Narcissism Card Deck here – each card dives deep into the various manipulations and healing strategies to guide your recovery.
The Importance of Therapy in Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse leaves deep emotional wounds, often affecting your ability to trust yourself and others.
Therapy provides a safe, non-judgmental space where you can explore and process these experiences. It is a structured environment where you are guided by a trained professional who can offer insights, coping mechanisms, and a fresh perspective. But beyond just “talking it out,” therapy allows you to take actionable steps toward rebuilding your sense of self-worth and control.
In Card 17: Rebuild Trust in Yourself, we talked about the importance of learning to trust your instincts again. Therapy plays a pivotal role in this process. Narcissists are experts at manipulating reality to suit their needs, which can leave you questioning your own perception of events. A therapist helps you identify where this gaslighting (card 1) occurred, gives you validation, and helps you rebuild trust in your judgment. Through therapy, you slowly learn to hear your inner voice once more and recognise the strength within it.
Therapy Helps You Unpack Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Living under narcissistic control often forces you to develop survival strategies that aren’t sustainable long-term. For instance, you may have learned to minimise your needs to avoid conflict, or perhaps you’ve become hyper-vigilant, constantly waiting for the next attack. These coping mechanisms are understandable in the context of trauma but can lead to further emotional and psychological damage if not addressed.
In Card 15: Practice Mindfulness, we introduced mindfulness as a tool for calming your mind and staying present. While mindfulness is an effective practice for reducing anxiety and managing stress, therapy allows you to go deeper. Therapy doesn’t just help you stay in the moment; it helps you unpack why you’ve developed these coping mechanisms in the first place. More importantly, it helps you replace them with healthier ways of responding to your environment.
Therapists trained in trauma recovery will often use techniques such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) to help you process past trauma and build new, healthier behavioural patterns. Through these therapies, you begin to understand that the ways you learned to cope in a narcissistic relationship were necessary for survival but are no longer needed in your new, empowered life.
Breaking the Cycle of Shame and Guilt
Narcissistic abuse often leaves you drowning in shame and guilt.
You may feel that you were somehow responsible for the abuse, or that you should have left sooner, or that you didn’t try hard enough to fix the relationship. As we explored in Card 24: Release the Guilt, carrying guilt that doesn’t belong to you only prolongs your suffering.
Therapy helps you differentiate between what is your responsibility and what is not. A skilled therapist will gently guide you through the process of recognising where your sense of guilt comes from and help you release it. Narcissists are experts at deflecting blame (Card 6: Blame Shifting) and projecting their faults onto others (Card 5: Projection). Therapy helps you see these tactics for what they are: manipulation.
Once you understand how you were manipulated into feeling guilty or ashamed, you can begin to free yourself from the toxic hold of these emotions.
Therapy as a Pathway to Reclaiming Power
Narcissists thrive on control. Whether through triangulation (Card 2: Triangulation) or future faking (Card 7: Future Faking), they constantly seek ways to keep you under their influence. Therapy is an essential tool in regaining that control for yourself.
One of the first steps in reclaiming your power is recognising that it’s okay to seek help. Therapy does not make you weak or dependent. On the contrary, it is an act of strength to ask for support when you need it. A therapist can help you set clear, healthy boundaries (Card 12: Set Clear Boundaries) and understand how to protect yourself from future manipulation.
Reclaiming your time (Card 11: Reclaim Your Time) is another critical step in healing. Narcissists are experts at stealing your emotional energy and monopolising your life. Therapy helps you establish new routines, create time for self-care, and focus on rebuilding the parts of your life that were neglected while you were caught in the narcissist’s web.
Therapy Helps You Rebuild Relationships
One of the most painful aspects of narcissistic abuse is the way it isolates you from others.
Narcissists often create chaos in your relationships, whether through smear campaigns (Card 9: Smear Campaigns) or by turning your friends and family against you using flying monkeys (Card 8: Flying Monkeys).
In therapy, you can begin to process the damage done to your social connections and work towards rebuilding trust in others. Therapy not only helps you heal from the emotional wounds inflicted by the narcissist but also provides you with tools to foster healthy relationships moving forward. You’ll learn to discern between toxic individuals and those who truly care about your well-being.
Therapy Cultivates Self-Compassion
Above all, therapy fosters self-compassion.
After enduring narcissistic abuse, your sense of self-worth may be shattered. Narcissists are skilled at eroding your confidence, leaving you feeling like you’re not good enough. Therapy helps you reconnect with your inherent value, encouraging you to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you’d offer to a close friend.
In Card 18: Self-Compassion, we explored how important it is to offer yourself grace during the healing process. Therapy amplifies this concept, allowing you to rebuild your relationship with yourself. Through therapy, you’ll learn to forgive yourself for the ways you’ve coped, release guilt (card 24), and embrace the journey of healing with open arms.
101 CBT Tips for Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a highly effective approach to dealing with the mental and emotional scars left by narcissistic abuse. It helps you change negative thought patterns, reframe limiting beliefs, and develop healthier responses to challenging situations.
In this section, you’ll get your hands on 101 CBT tips designed to guide you through healing and recovery after experiencing narcissistic abuse.
1. Identify Negative Thought Patterns
Become aware of the negative thoughts triggered by the narcissist’s manipulation.
2. Challenge Distorted Thinking
Ask yourself, “Is this thought based on fact, or is it my mind reacting to past trauma?”
3. Reframe Negative Self-Talk
Replace “I am not enough” with “I am more than enough and deserving of love.”
4. Keep a Thought Record
Write down your negative thoughts and challenge them with logic and evidence.
5. Focus on the Present
Recognise when your thoughts wander into past events or future worries and gently bring yourself back to the present.
6. Create a Safety Statement
Repeat affirmations like “I am safe now, I am in control.”
7. Use “What’s the Evidence?”
Whenever you have a negative thought, ask yourself: “What’s the evidence for this?”
8. Reframe Blame
If you’re blaming yourself for the narcissist’s behaviour, ask, “Is this really my fault?”
9. Set Healthy Boundaries
Identify your limits and use assertive communication to express them.
10. Recognise Cognitive Distortions
Learn to identify distortions like catastrophising or overgeneralising in your thinking.
11. Practise Mindful Breathing
Engage in deep breathing exercises (Blissful Breathing Card Deck) to manage stress and ground yourself.
12. Focus on What You Can Control
Release concerns about things beyond your control and concentrate on your own actions.
13. Stop “Should” Statements
Avoid using “should” in your self-talk, as it implies guilt and regret.
14. Cultivate Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with compassion (card 18), as you would a close friend, rather than criticising yourself.
15. Understand the Narcissist’s Playbook
Recognise that tactics like gaslighting (card 1) and triangulation (card 2) are not your fault but part of their manipulation.
16. Visualise Success
Imagine yourself free from guilt, thriving, and emotionally strong.
17. Challenge Black-and-White Thinking
Recognise when you’re viewing situations as black and white (all good or all bad) and find the middle ground.
18. Practise Gratitude
Find small things each day to be grateful for (card 23), even in difficult times.
19. Use a Thought Diary
Log recurring thoughts, feelings, and behaviours to identify patterns that need to change.
20. Develop a Coping Statement
Create phrases like “I am capable of healing” to use when feeling triggered.
21. Break Down Big Goals
If recovery feels overwhelming, break your goals into smaller, manageable steps.
22. Use Positive Self-Affirmations
Say affirmations like, “I deserve love and respect.”
23. Practise Acceptance
Accept that the narcissist’s behaviour is about them, not you.
24. Cognitive Restructuring
Challenge irrational thoughts and replace them with healthier, more realistic alternatives.
25. Use a S.W.O.T. Analysis
List your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats to gain clarity on your healing journey.
26. Reward Yourself
Celebrate even small victories in your healing process.
27. Externalise the Blame
If you’re blaming yourself for the abuse, reframe the blame to where it belongs — on the narcissist.
28. Practise Self-Forgiveness
Release yourself from the guilt (card 24) of not leaving sooner or making mistakes along the way.
29. Identify Triggers
Recognise specific situations or conversations that provoke emotional reactions tied to the abuse.
30. Grounding Techniques
Use physical sensations like touching a cold object or smelling a strong scent to bring yourself back to the present.
31. Examine Unhelpful Thinking Styles
Do you use emotional reasoning (i.e. “I feel bad, so something must be wrong”)? Challenge it.
32. Cognitive Defusion
Distinguish yourself from your thoughts — observe them without attaching to them.
33. Use “If-Then” Planning
Develop strategies for handling triggering situations. For example, “If they criticise me, then I will leave the room.”
34. Self-Reflection
Use journaling (Journal Your Journey card 22) to reflect on your thoughts and emotions.
35. Develop a Coping Toolbox
Create a list of things that help you calm down when triggered (e.g., yogic breathing techniques (Blissful Breathing Card Deck), walking, reading).
36. Identify Assumptions
Question assumptions like “Everyone will hurt me the way the narcissist did.”
37. Practice Emotional Agility
Allow yourself to feel difficult emotions without judgment or avoidance.
38. Use “I” Statements
Communicate assertively with “I” statements, such as “I feel” and “I need,” to avoid conflict escalation.
39. Visualise Boundaries
Mentally picture a protective shield around you to reinforce your boundaries.
40. Reality Testing
When you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself, “Is this feeling based on reality, or is it a remnant of past trauma?”
41. Notice Body Reactions
Focus on your breath (Blissful Breathing Card Deck) to tune in to how your body reacts to stress and use relaxation techniques to counteract those responses.
42. Focus on Facts, Not Emotions
Emotions can distort thinking. Focus on factual evidence when evaluating situations.
43. De-catastrophise
When feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” and “How likely is that to happen?”
44. Create a Daily Affirmation Ritual
Start each morning with empowering statements like, “I am in control of my own story.”
45. Schedule Worry Time
Set aside 10 minutes daily to process anxious thoughts so they don’t consume the rest of your day.
46. Practise Self-Distancing
View your thoughts as if you’re an outside observer to gain perspective.
47. Reward Positive Behaviour
Each time you confront a cognitive distortion or unhealthy belief, give yourself a mental pat on the back.
48. Take a Break
If you find yourself overwhelmed by negative thoughts, step away from the situation, both mentally and physically.
49. Focus on Achievements
Instead of focusing on what’s missing, celebrate how far you’ve come since recognising the abuse.
50. Reframe Guilt
If you feel guilty for standing up for yourself, remind yourself that self-respect is not selfishness.
51. Practise Assertiveness
Speak up for your needs and practice saying “no” without guilt (card 13).
52. Cognitive Reappraisal
Reinterpret negative situations in a more positive or neutral light.
53. Use “Compassionate Curiosity”
Instead of criticising yourself, ask, “Why am I feeling this way? What can I learn from this?”
54. Practise “Cognitive Pacing”
Challenge one negative thought at a time instead of trying to tackle everything at once.
55. Work with a Therapist
Consider seeing a CBT therapist to help guide you through cognitive restructuring techniques.
56. Practise Self-Care
Engage in activities that nurture your body and soul, like taking a bath or practising chair yoga (see Practice Mindfulness card 15).
57. Take One Day at a Time
Focus on daily progress rather than expecting instant transformation.
58. Reward Yourself for Growth
Acknowledge your emotional and mental progress, no matter how small it may seem.
59. Focus on Actions, Not Feelings
Challenge negative feelings by acting in ways that align with your values, not your emotions.
60. Monitor Negative Core Beliefs
Identify and challenge deep-seated beliefs like “I am unlovable” or “I deserve this.”
61. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Instead of ruminating, engage in healthy distractions like reading or exercise.
62. Use Rational Thinking
Ask yourself, “Is this thought rational, or is it a product of past trauma?”
63. Take Responsibility for Your Healing
Shift focus from what the narcissist did to what you can do now to heal.
64. Don’t Overgeneralise
Avoid making sweeping statements like “Everyone will treat me this way.”
65. Visualise a Positive Future
Imagine yourself thriving in a healthy, abuse-free future.
66. Focus on What You Can Change
Concentrate on actions you can take to improve your mental state such as focusing on your breath (Blissful Breathing Card Deck), rather than what others do.
67. Use Gratitude
Combat negative thinking by listing things you’re grateful for each day (see Practice Gratitude card 23).
68. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
Celebrate every small victory instead of demanding perfection from yourself.
69. Use my CBT Cards
I created these 52 CBT Cards to help me challenge thoughts in real time.
70. Develop an “Emotional Vocabulary”
Learn to identify and name your emotions to better understand them.
71. Use Distraction Techniques
If overwhelmed by negative thoughts, try distracting yourself with something neutral, like counting objects around you.
72. Seek Support
Lean on trusted friends or support groups who understand what you’re going through.
73. Avoid “All or Nothing” Thinking
Recognise the grey areas instead of seeing everything as entirely good or bad.
74. Engage in Relaxation Techniques
Practices such as progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce anxiety (Tense each muscle group for 5-10 seconds, then relax for 20 seconds, starting from your feet and moving up to your head. Focus on releasing tension with each breath).
75. Track Your Triggers
Keep a list of specific situations or people that trigger negative thoughts so you can prepare for them.
76. Use “Would I Say This to a Friend?”
Challenge your inner critic by asking if you would say those negative things to someone you love.
77. Practise Mindful Acceptance
Accept uncomfortable feelings without judgement — they are valid and part of your healing process.
78. Replace “Victim” Language
Use empowering language like “I’m healing” instead of “I’m broken.”
79. Prioritise Self-Care
Schedule time each day to do something kind for yourself, whether it’s resting, reading, or yogic breathing (Blissful Breathing Card Deck).
80. Practise Empathy for Yourself
Acknowledge that you did your best in a toxic situation, and you deserve to heal.
81. Break the Emotional Cycle
When stuck in negative thinking, use grounding exercises such as yogic breathing (Blissful Breathing Card Deck) to stop the cycle and regain control.
82. Practise Active Problem-Solving
Instead of ruminating, focus on tangible solutions to current problems.
83. Identify Automatic Thoughts
Catch the immediate thoughts that arise when you’re feeling anxious or upset and analyse them.
84. Watch for Emotional Reasoning
Just because you feel something doesn’t mean it’s fact. Test the reality behind the emotion.
85. Practise Relaxation
When stressed, take deep breaths (Blissful Breathing Card Deck), relax your muscles, or engage in a calming activity.
86. Use Dispute Technique
When negative thoughts arise, actively dispute them by seeking alternative, more balanced interpretations.
87. Recognise Patterns
Look for recurring thought patterns that trigger negative emotions and behaviours.
88. Question Perfectionism
Are you setting unrealistic expectations for yourself? Challenge perfectionist thinking with more forgiving alternatives.
89. Detach from Outcome
Focus on the process of healing rather than getting attached to an immediate result.
90. Reassess Old Beliefs
Examine beliefs formed during the abusive relationship and challenge whether they still serve you.
91. Avoid Emotional Suppression
Allow yourself to fully experience emotions instead of pushing them away.
92. Limit Comparisons
Stop comparing your healing journey to others; everyone heals at their own pace.
93. Use Thought Replacement
When a negative thought arises, immediately replace it with a positive one.
94. Cultivate Gratitude
In tough moments, find something — even small — to be thankful for (see Practice Gratitude card 23).
95. Develop a Support Network
Build a circle of people who understand your situation and support your growth.
96. Notice Improvements
Regularly reflect on your progress, no matter how small, and give yourself credit for the steps you’ve taken.
97. Manage Expectations
Healing from trauma takes time. Give yourself grace and patience in your journey.
98. Use a CBT Workbook
Consider using a structured CBT workbook to guide you through the process.
99. Stop Personalising Others’ Behaviour
Recognise that how others act is not a reflection of your worth.
100. Build a Morning Routine
Start your day with grounding exercises like journaling or yogic breathing (Blissful Breathing Card Deck) to set a positive tone.
101. Stay Committed
Recovery from narcissistic abuse takes time and effort. Stay consistent in your efforts, and celebrate your growth.
Conclusion: Therapy Is Strength, Not Weakness
Therapy is a brave choice.
It’s not a sign of defeat or weakness, but rather a testament to your resilience and desire to reclaim your life. After enduring the manipulations of narcissistic abuse, therapy provides the tools, support, and validation you need to heal and move forward.
Remember that healing is a journey, and therapy can be your guide along the way. As you work through the insights and strategies discussed in the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck, therapy can help you integrate them fully into your life, providing the strength to not only survive but thrive after narcissistic trauma.
Therapy is not a luxury, it’s a necessity. And seeking it is one of the strongest steps you can take toward healing.
If you want to explore these and other strategies in-depth, I encourage you to check out the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck for guidance on your journey.
Here’s a look at the full deck:
Narcissist Mind Games (10 Cards)
- Gaslighting
- Triangulation
- Love-Bombing
- Silent Treatment
- Projection
- Blame Shifting
- Future Faking
- Flying Monkeys
- Smear Campaigns
- Hoovering
Self-Care & Boundaries (10 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Time
- Set Clear Boundaries
- No Is a Complete Sentence
- Limit Contact
- Practice Mindfulness
- Healthy Detachment
- Rebuild Trust in Yourself
- Self-Compassion
- Guard Your Energy
- Disconnect Digitally
Healing from Trauma (10 Cards)
- Acknowledge the Pain
- Journal Your Journey
- Practice Gratitude
- Release the Guilt
- Therapy Is Strength
- Feel to Heal
- Reconnect with Your Body
- Affirm Your Worth
- Focus on the Present
- Time Heals
Recognising Red Flags (8 Cards)
- Lack of Empathy
- Extreme Charm
- Need for Control
- Quick Intimacy
- No Accountability
- Inconsistent Behaviour
- Lack of Boundaries
- Isolating You
Empowerment & Rebuilding (8 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Power
- Find Your Voice
- Celebrate Small Wins
- Visualise Your Future
- Rebuild Your Identity
- Surround Yourself with Positivity
- Redefine Your Worth
- Embrace Freedom
Support Systems & Moving Forward (6 Cards)
- Find Your Tribe
- Share Your Story
- Healthy Relationships Exist
- No Contact Is Power
- Stay Educated
- Forgive Yourself First
Click here to explore the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck in full and take the first step in your healing journey.
By George Watts
