Skip to content
Card Category
Narcissist Mind Games
Card Number
This is card 8 of 52 of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck
Card Overview
This is card eight of 52 in the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck. If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you might have encountered their “flying monkeys”—people they manipulate into supporting their agenda, enabling their behaviour, and often turning against you. Card 8 explores the concept of flying monkeys, their role in narcissistic abuse, and how to protect yourself from this indirect form of manipulation.
If you haven’t yet, you can get the full Surviving Narcissism Deck here – each card dives deep into the various manipulations and healing strategies to guide your recovery.
What Are Flying Monkeys?
The term “flying monkeys” comes from The Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch commands a troop of winged monkeys to carry out her dirty work.
In the context of narcissistic abuse, flying monkeys are individuals (friends, family members, or even co-workers) who unwittingly or knowingly support the narcissist’s manipulative agenda. They act as messengers, spies, and sometimes direct attackers, making your journey out of the toxic relationship more difficult.
While the narcissist may be the main manipulator, flying monkeys contribute to your confusion and isolation. By siding with the narcissist, they provide the abuser with a sense of power and credibility. The emotional toll of dealing with these enablers can be immense, as they often appear to be people you once trusted.
Personal Experience: My Encounter with Flying Monkeys
As a survivor of narcissistic abuse within my family, I’ve experienced the pain of flying monkeys firsthand. After I began to distance myself from the narcissist, I noticed that certain family members started questioning my decisions, echoing the manipulator’s narrative. They would tell me things like, “They’re just worried about you” or “You’re overreacting.” It became clear that these individuals were being manipulated by the narcissist to guilt-trip me into compliance.
For a while, I felt like I was losing my grip on reality. It wasn’t until I started to educate myself about narcissism that I realised these people weren’t acting out of malice but were being used as pawns. Creating the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck brought back a flood of emotions, but ultimately, it was a cathartic process that helped me move forward.
How Narcissists Recruit Flying Monkeys
Narcissists are masters at manipulating people and know how to twist the truth to suit their needs.
Here are a few ways they recruit flying monkeys to carry out their agenda:
Charm and Deception: Narcissists often use charm to manipulate flying monkeys. They present themselves as the victim or the hero in a story, convincing the flying monkey that they need protection from you.
Half-Truths and Lies: By feeding flying monkeys a combination of half-truths, lies, and exaggerated stories, narcissists can create a false narrative that paints you as the problem.
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists know which emotional buttons to push to make flying monkeys feel sorry for them. They might use pity, claiming to be misunderstood or mistreated, to rally support.
Creating Loyalty Through Favours: The narcissist may do things for the flying monkeys to create a sense of loyalty or obligation, making it harder for the flying monkeys to question their intentions.
Common Traits of Flying Monkeys
While flying monkeys can come from any walk of life, there are some common traits among those who fall into this role:
Naïveté: Many flying monkeys don’t realise they are being manipulated. They genuinely believe they are helping the narcissist or acting out of concern.
Loyalty: Flying monkeys often have a deep sense of loyalty to the narcissist, especially if they’ve been in the narcissist’s life for a long time. They may feel obligated to defend them.
People-Pleasing: Some flying monkeys are people-pleasers who find it difficult to stand up to the narcissist or question their narrative.
Conflict Avoidance: To avoid conflict, flying monkeys may side with the narcissist to keep the peace, even if it means going against you.
Envy: In some cases, flying monkeys might be jealous of you and use the narcissist’s influence as an excuse to attack you.
The Impact of Flying Monkeys on Victims
Dealing with the narcissist is difficult enough, but when flying monkeys enter the picture, it can feel like you’re being attacked from all sides.
This added layer of manipulation leads to:
Self-Doubt: When people you care about side with the narcissist, it can make you question your own experiences. You may wonder, “Am I the problem?”
Isolation: The narcissist may use flying monkeys to turn others against you, leaving you feeling isolated and without support.
Emotional Exhaustion: Being surrounded by people who constantly challenge your reality or defend the narcissist’s behaviour can drain your emotional energy.
Delaying Your Healing Process: Flying monkeys can make it harder to break free from the narcissist’s control, as they might pull you back into the drama when you’re trying to distance yourself.
How to Deal with Flying Monkeys
Here are some strategies to deal with flying monkeys:
Recognise the Role They Play: Understand that flying monkeys are extensions of the narcissist’s manipulation. Once you see their role clearly, it’s easier to detach emotionally.
Limit Communication: You don’t owe flying monkeys an explanation. Reduce your contact with them, especially if they’re adding to your stress or confusion.
Set Firm Boundaries: If you need to maintain contact (such as with family members), set clear boundaries. Be firm about not discussing the narcissist or their actions with them.
Stay Grounded in Your Truth: Don’t allow the flying monkeys to cause you to doubt your reality. Keep a journal or talk to a therapist to stay grounded.
Avoid Defending Yourself: It can be tempting to explain your side of the story to flying monkeys, but this often backfires. They’re more likely to report back to the narcissist than truly listen to your perspective.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Find a support system of people who believe you and understand what you’re going through. These individuals can offer you validation and strength.
Educate Yourself: Learn as much as you can about narcissistic abuse and flying monkeys. The more informed you are, the better you can protect yourself.
Keep Your Distance: If possible, cut ties with the flying monkeys entirely. Your mental and emotional well-being should be your top priority.
Conclusion
One of the hardest parts of dealing with flying monkeys is the feeling of being ganged up on or misunderstood by people you once trusted. It’s important to remember that these individuals are also under the narcissist’s manipulation. By recognising their role, setting boundaries, and focusing on your healing, you can begin to break free from the narcissist’s web of control.
Flying monkeys are just one of the many manipulative tactics narcissists use to maintain control.
Creating the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck has been a therapeutic way for me to process and make sense of my experience. I hope it helps you do the same.
If you found this discussion on flying monkeys eye-opening, I encourage you to explore the entire Surviving Narcissism Card Deck, which includes 52 cards, each addressing different aspects of narcissistic abuse and recovery.
Here’s a look at the full deck:
Narcissist Mind Games (10 Cards)
- Gaslighting
- Triangulation
- Love-Bombing
- Silent Treatment
- Projection
- Blame Shifting
- Future Faking
- Flying Monkeys
- Smear Campaigns
- Hoovering
Self-Care & Boundaries (10 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Time
- Set Clear Boundaries
- No Is a Complete Sentence
- Limit Contact
- Practice Mindfulness
- Healthy Detachment
- Rebuild Trust in Yourself
- Self-Compassion
- Guard Your Energy
- Disconnect Digitally
Healing from Trauma (10 Cards)
- Acknowledge the Pain
- Journal Your Journey
- Practice Gratitude
- Release the Guilt
- Therapy Is Strength
- Feel to Heal
- Reconnect with Your Body
- Affirm Your Worth
- Focus on the Present
- Time Heals
Recognising Red Flags (8 Cards)
- Lack of Empathy
- Extreme Charm
- Need for Control
- Quick Intimacy
- No Accountability
- Inconsistent Behaviour
- Lack of Boundaries
- Isolating You
Empowerment & Rebuilding (8 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Power
- Find Your Voice
- Celebrate Small Wins
- Visualise Your Future
- Rebuild Your Identity
- Surround Yourself with Positivity
- Redefine Your Worth
- Embrace Freedom
Support Systems & Moving Forward (6 Cards)
- Find Your Tribe
- Share Your Story
- Healthy Relationships Exist
- No Contact Is Power
- Stay Educated
- Forgive Yourself First
Click here to explore the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck in full and take the first step in your healing journey.
By George Watts
