Card Category
Recognising Red Flag
Card Number
This is card 31 of 52 of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck
Card Overview
Card 31 of 52 of the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck, explores one of the most damaging traits of a narcissist: their lack of empathy. This post will take a deep dive into understanding this red flag, its impact on your mental health, and how it ties into the broader spectrum of narcissistic behaviours covered in the first 30 cards of the deck.
In your healing journey, recognising and understanding the narcissist’s lack of empathy is essential, as it underpins much of the emotional turmoil you may have experienced. From gaslighting (Card 1) to smear campaigns (Card 9), many manipulative behaviours stem from their inability or refusal to feel or understand your emotions. Learning to spot and address this lack of empathy is crucial in regaining control over your life and emotional well-being.
If you haven’t yet, you can get the full Surviving Narcissism Card Deck here – each card dives deep into the various manipulations and healing strategies to guide your recovery.
Table Of Contents
What Is Empathy and Why Does It Matter?
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It allows us to connect, build relationships, and offer support during difficult times. At its core, empathy is the glue that binds human interactions together. A lack of empathy, however, makes true emotional connection impossible, which is why relationships with narcissists often feel cold, shallow, and one-sided.
Narcissists, who frequently demonstrate little to no empathy, view relationships through the lens of self-interest. They struggle to connect with others emotionally, leading to behaviour that seems callous or indifferent. This emotional disconnect can be jarring, especially if you have given your all to make the relationship work. When you’re met with disinterest, manipulation, or cruelty in return, it becomes clear that you’re dealing with someone who is fundamentally disconnected from the feelings of others.
How Lack of Empathy Plays Out in a Narcissistic Relationship
Narcissists thrive on control, and empathy would require them to care about how their behaviour affects others—something they actively avoid. The lack of empathy manifests in various manipulative tactics, many of which are discussed in previous cards from the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck:
- Gaslighting (Card 1): Narcissists use gaslighting to make you question your reality, but to successfully do so, they must be entirely indifferent to the emotional havoc it wreaks on you.
- Blame Shifting (Card 6): When they are at fault, a narcissist will shift the blame onto you, showcasing their disregard for how unjust and harmful this behaviour is to your well-being.
- Silent Treatment (Card 4): Withholding affection, communication, and emotional engagement is a stark demonstration of their inability or unwillingness to care about your emotional needs.
These behaviours not only erode your self-esteem but also leave you questioning your worth. The narcissist’s lack of empathy leaves you feeling unseen, unheard, and emotionally abandoned.
Signs of a Lack of Empathy
Recognising a lack of empathy in a narcissist can help you better understand why the relationship feels so unbalanced.
Here are some tell-tale signs:
Indifference to Your Feelings: When you express your emotions, concerns, or struggles, a narcissist may dismiss them outright or shift the conversation back to themselves.
No Effort to Comfort or Console: When you’re upset or in distress, they either fail to notice or seem inconvenienced by your emotions.
Constant Criticism: Without empathy, they can’t understand how their criticism wounds you. Instead of constructive feedback, you’ll receive harsh judgments that tear you down.
Lack of Emotional Support: A narcissist might demand emotional support from you but will rarely, if ever, offer it in return.
Using Your Vulnerabilities Against You: Narcissists may weaponise your emotions. Sharing your fears, insecurities, or emotional pain can later be used as ammunition to control or belittle you.
3 Reasons Why Narcissists Lack Empathy
Psychologists suggest that narcissists lack empathy due to a mix of psychological and emotional factors, including:
- Self-Absorption: Narcissists are often so self-centred that they can’t see beyond their own needs and desires.
- Fear of Vulnerability: Showing empathy requires a degree of vulnerability. Narcissists, driven by deep-seated insecurities, view vulnerability as weakness.
- Need for Control: Empathy would undermine their need to dominate and manipulate others for personal gain.
Understanding the psychology behind this can help you depersonalise their behaviour. It’s not that you’re unworthy of empathy; it’s that the narcissist is incapable of offering it.
4 Ways to Heal from the Damage of a Lack of Empathy
Being in a relationship with someone who lacks empathy can be incredibly damaging to your mental health.
It distorts your perception of healthy relationships, erodes your self-esteem, and leaves deep emotional scars. But healing is possible, and it starts with recognising the narcissist’s behaviour for what it is—a reflection of their own emotional deficiencies, not yours.
Here are some steps to begin your healing:
1. Rebuild Trust in Yourself (Card 17)
A narcissist’s lack of empathy can make you doubt your instincts and emotional responses. Rebuilding trust in yourself (card 17) is essential for recovery. Start by validating your feelings, acknowledging that your pain and suffering are real, and that you deserve empathy and kindness.
2. Reconnect with Your Body (Card 27)
Trauma often causes us to disconnect from our physical bodies as a way of coping. Practices like yoga, Pilates, and breathwork can be effective tools for reconnecting with yourself (card 27) physically and emotionally. Check out the Blissful Breathing Card Deck or the Joseph Pilates Mat Card Deck to integrate mindful movement into your healing routine.
3. Practice Self-Compassion (Card 18)
Give yourself the compassion you never received from the narcissist. Self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness, especially when you feel unworthy or damaged from the emotional toll of the relationship. Daily affirmations, such as those found in the Affirm Your Worth card (Card 28), can serve as a powerful reminder that you are deserving of empathy, even if the narcissist could not offer it.
4. Set Clear Boundaries (Card 12)
Boundaries are essential when dealing with a narcissist. Their lack of empathy often leads to boundary violations (card 12), which make you feel vulnerable and unsafe. Learn to assert yourself and say “no” (card 13) without feeling guilty. This practice empowers you to protect your energy and emotional space.
Reclaiming Empathy for Yourself
Recovering from a narcissistic relationship means understanding that you don’t need to accept a lack of empathy from others. Instead, cultivate empathy for yourself. Your feelings, emotions, and experiences are valid, and you deserve to be in relationships where empathy is freely given and received.
You can also begin to reconnect with empathy in healthy relationships. Surround yourself with people who listen to you, offer emotional support, and validate your feelings. Over time, you will learn to trust again, knowing that empathy is a cornerstone of healthy human connection.
52 Simple Ways to Reclaim Empathy for Yourself
Here are 52 ways to reclaim empathy for yourself:
Practice Self-Compassion
Speak kindly to yourself, especially during challenging moments.Acknowledge Your Emotions
Allow yourself to feel without judgement or suppression.Set Healthy Boundaries
Learn to say “no” without guilt, protecting your emotional space.Write a Self-Empathy Letter
Write to yourself as if you were writing to a dear friend in need of support.Embrace Mindfulness
Stay present in the moment, accepting your emotions as they come.Practice Gratitude
Each day, acknowledge one thing about yourself that you’re grateful for.Forgive Yourself for Past Mistakes
Remember, mistakes are part of growth, not reasons for self-criticism.Take Time for Self-Care
Do something that nurtures your body and soul every day.Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Replace critical thoughts with affirmations of understanding and care.Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Connect with those who show empathy and kindness toward you.Release Unrealistic Expectations
Be kind to yourself by accepting that perfection is unattainable.Journal Your Feelings
Expressing your thoughts on paper can bring clarity and self-compassion.Spend Time in Nature
Allow nature’s beauty and calm to nurture your empathy for yourself.Take Deep, Conscious Breaths
Practice deep breathing to reconnect with your inner self and calm your mind.Celebrate Small Wins
Recognise and celebrate even the smallest accomplishments.Engage in a Creative Hobby
Whether it’s painting, writing, or crafting, express yourself freely.Accept Compliments
When someone praises you, receive it with grace and appreciation.Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation
Send compassion to yourself first before extending it to others.Let Go of Self-Blame
Understand that self-blame holds you back from healing and self-compassion.Take Breaks Without Guilt
Allow yourself to rest when needed, without feeling like you must “earn” it.Visualise Self-Compassion
Picture yourself surrounded by warmth and care, much like you would envision helping a loved one.Avoid Comparisons
Understand that your journey is unique and can’t be compared to anyone else’s.Reconnect with Your Body
Engage in gentle movement, such as yoga, to listen and respond to your body’s needs.Give Yourself Permission to Heal
Understand that healing is not a linear process and give yourself the space to grow.Listen to Your Intuition
Trust your inner voice when it tells you what you need or when to rest.Smile at Yourself in the Mirror
It might feel silly, but this small act is a gesture of self-kindness.Acknowledge Your Strengths
Make a list of qualities you appreciate about yourself.Celebrate Your Resilience
Recognise how far you’ve come in your healing journey and the strength it took.Prioritise Rest
Give yourself time to recharge and understand that rest is essential to self-compassion.Reframe Negative Experiences
Focus on what you learned rather than what you “lost” or “failed at.”Engage in Gentle Physical Activity
Take a walk, stretch, or engage in a light workout to connect with your body lovingly.Detox from Social Media
Limit exposure to comparison-inducing content that can trigger negative self-talk.Embrace Silence
Spend time in quiet reflection to hear and nurture your inner voice.Be Patient with Your Healing
Understand that recovering from trauma takes time and patience with yourself.Accept Where You Are
Let go of the need to be anywhere other than where you are in your journey.Read Books that Inspire Empathy
Choose literature that fosters self-compassion and personal growth.Let Go of Perfectionism
Understand that flaws make you human, and they deserve your empathy too.Get Enough Sleep
Prioritise sleep to give your mind and body the rest they need to heal.Allow Yourself to Cry
Tears can be a powerful way of releasing emotions and self-compassion.Do Something You Love
Engage in activities that bring you joy, without feeling guilty for taking time for yourself.Talk to Yourself with Kindness
Imagine you are speaking to a friend when you address yourself.Avoid Overworking Yourself
Understand that overworking is not a measure of your worth.Take Time for Reflection
Give yourself space to reflect on your journey and what you need moving forward.Invest in Therapy or Counselling
Speaking with a professional can help you develop deeper empathy for yourself.Celebrate Your Uniqueness
Focus on what makes you uniquely you and why that’s a strength.Cook a Nutritious Meal for Yourself
Nourish your body with food that makes you feel good and cared for.Applaud Your Efforts, Not Just Results
Recognise the value of your efforts, even if they don’t yield immediate results.Take Care of Your Appearance
Looking after yourself physically can foster emotional care.Give Yourself Permission to Be Imperfect
Allow yourself to stumble and fall without harsh judgement.Avoid Self-Isolation
Reach out to supportive friends or family when you need connection.Visualise a Loving Embrace
Picture yourself being hugged warmly, symbolising self-love and acceptance.Treat Yourself with the Same Care You Give to Others
Empathy for yourself should be as natural as the care you give to others.
Conclusion: Time to Reclaim Your Emotional Well-being
Below are some healing resources (card decks) I’ve created that may help you on your healing journey:
- Surviving Narcissism Card Deck
- Blissful Breathing Card Deck
- Chair Yoga Card Deck
- 101 Mini Yoga Cards
- Pilates Matwork Card Deck
Card 31 in the Surviving Narcissism Card is a powerful reminder that a lack of empathy is a significant red flag in any relationship, especially with a narcissist. Recognising this trait in others can help you set boundaries (card 12) and protect your emotional well-being. While it’s painful to accept that a narcissist cannot meet your emotional needs, you have the power to heal by surrounding yourself with empathy, self-compassion, and love.
As you move through the remaining cards in the deck, including Affirm Your Worth (Card 28) and Focus on the Present (Card 29), remember that your healing is a journey. Each step you take—whether it’s through mindful movement, boundary-setting, or cultivating self-compassion—brings you closer to emotional freedom.
If you want to explore these and other strategies in-depth, I encourage you to check out the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck for guidance on your journey.
Here’s a look at the full deck:
Narcissist Mind Games (10 Cards)
- Gaslighting
- Triangulation
- Love-Bombing
- Silent Treatment
- Projection
- Blame Shifting
- Future Faking
- Flying Monkeys
- Smear Campaigns
- Hoovering
Self-Care & Boundaries (10 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Time
- Set Clear Boundaries
- No Is a Complete Sentence
- Limit Contact
- Practice Mindfulness
- Healthy Detachment
- Rebuild Trust in Yourself
- Self-Compassion
- Guard Your Energy
- Disconnect Digitally
Healing from Trauma (10 Cards)
- Acknowledge the Pain
- Journal Your Journey
- Practice Gratitude
- Release the Guilt
- Therapy Is Strength
- Feel to Heal
- Reconnect with Your Body
- Affirm Your Worth
- Focus on the Present
- Time Heals
Recognising Red Flags (8 Cards)
- Lack of Empathy
- Extreme Charm
- Need for Control
- Quick Intimacy
- No Accountability
- Inconsistent Behaviour
- Lack of Boundaries
- Isolating You
Empowerment & Rebuilding (8 Cards)
- Reclaim Your Power
- Find Your Voice
- Celebrate Small Wins
- Visualise Your Future
- Rebuild Your Identity
- Surround Yourself with Positivity
- Redefine Your Worth
- Embrace Freedom
Support Systems & Moving Forward (6 Cards)
- Find Your Tribe
- Share Your Story
- Healthy Relationships Exist
- No Contact Is Power
- Stay Educated
- Forgive Yourself First
Click here to explore the Surviving Narcissism Card Deck in full and take the first step in your healing journey.
By George Watts
