Acknowledge the Pain: Healing from Narcissistic Trauma (card 21)

Acknowledging the pain is the first step toward healing because it validates your experience.

Narcissistic abuse often makes you feel as though your feelings aren’t important, or worse, that they’re wrong. The narcissist in your life may have minimised or dismissed your pain, making you feel guilty or ashamed for even feeling hurt. When you acknowledge the pain, you are taking back control by recognising the validity of your emotions and the reality of the trauma you’ve experienced.

In addition, many survivors of narcissistic abuse fall into the trap of minimising their pain in an attempt to move on quickly. However, bypassing this emotional step can lead to unresolved trauma, which can manifest in physical symptoms, anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming healthy relationships. By acknowledging the pain, you allow yourself to grieve, which is a crucial part of the healing process.

17 Ways to Acknowledge the Pain:

1. Allow Yourself to Feel: It’s common to suppress or numb emotions when dealing with trauma. Narcissistic abuse often leads to a disconnection from your own feelings as a survival mechanism. But healing begins when you allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions—anger, sadness, betrayal, and even confusion. This doesn’t mean you have to dwell on them indefinitely, but giving yourself permission to feel is the first step toward processing those emotions.
   
   

2. Practice Mindfulness: Practising mindfulness, as discussed in Card 15: Practice Mindfulness, can be a powerful tool in this process. Mindfulness helps you stay present with your emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. By focusing on the present moment, you can observe your pain without judgement, which can make it easier to process and release.
   
   

3. Journal Your Emotions: Writing can be a therapeutic way to acknowledge and process pain. Keeping a journal allows you to express thoughts and feelings that may be difficult to articulate otherwise. Journaling can also help you identify patterns in your emotional responses and make sense of the trauma you’ve experienced.
   
   

4. Seek Professional Support: Therapy, particularly trauma-informed therapy, can be an invaluable resource. A trained therapist can help you process your emotions in a safe and supportive environment. They can also help you develop coping strategies and work through the complex emotions that arise during this phase of healing.
   
   

5. Lean on a Support System: Sometimes acknowledging your pain means sharing it with others who understand. Whether through support groups or trusted friends, connecting with others who have experienced narcissistic abuse can provide much-needed validation and solidarity. As discussed in Card 8: Flying Monkeys, narcissists often surround themselves with enablers, which can leave you feeling isolated. Rebuilding a positive, supportive community is essential.

6. Practice Emotional Awareness: Become conscious of how your body and mind react to emotional triggers. Instead of dismissing your feelings, acknowledge them as valid, even if they seem overwhelming. Emotional awareness helps you stay grounded, allowing you to process your pain more mindfully.
   
   

7. Name the Pain: Identifying your emotions by giving them names, such as sadness, anger, or disappointment, helps you confront the pain directly. When you label your feelings, they become less abstract and easier to manage. Naming your pain creates emotional clarity and offers a path to understanding it.
   
   

8. Speak Your Truth: Talking about your experiences is a form of release. Whether you confide in a friend, therapist, or support group, sharing your story validates your pain. Expressing your feelings out loud helps you feel heard and understood, which can be empowering.
   
   

9. Create Art: Art can be a powerful outlet for expressing emotions that words can’t capture. Drawing, painting, or crafting helps externalise your pain, making it tangible and easier to process. The act of creation is healing in itself, allowing you to release negative emotions in a constructive way
   
   

10. Meditate on Emotions: Sit in stillness and observe your emotions during meditation. Don’t try to push feelings away; instead, let them rise to the surface and simply observe them. This practice of mindful acceptance allows you to confront the pain without becoming overwhelmed by it
    
    

11. Accept Imperfection: Healing isn’t a straight path, and there will be ups and downs. Understand that it’s okay to take two steps forward and one step back. Accepting the imperfect nature of recovery helps you be kinder to yourself, reducing frustration and self-criticism.
    
    

12. Connect to Nature: Spending time in nature can provide a calming, grounding effect that helps you reconnect with yourself. Walking in the woods or sitting by the sea can give you a space to reflect on your emotions. Nature’s peacefulness can help you process pain in a non-judgmental environment.
    
    

13. Practice Yogic Breathwork: As a yoga teacher, I’m a big fan of yogic breathing. Engage in deep breathing exercises to calm your nervous system and reconnect with your emotions. Breathwork allows you to slow down, making it easier to recognise and acknowledge painful emotions. By focusing on your breath, you create space to process and release emotional tension. Take a look at my Blissful Breathing Card Deck.
    
    

14. Set Emotional Boundaries: After narcissistic abuse, it’s crucial to protect your emotional space by setting clear boundaries (card 12). Identify people or situations that cause emotional distress and limit your exposure to them. Setting boundaries creates the safe environment you need to fully acknowledge and heal from your pain.
    
    

15. Validate Yourself: Your feelings are valid, even if others have tried to dismiss or minimise them. Acknowledging your own emotional experience gives you the strength to move forward, trusting in your inner voice. By validating yourself, you reaffirm your worth and take an essential step in your healing process.
    
    

16. Identify Emotional Triggers: Pay attention to what events, people, or memories trigger your pain. Recognising these triggers helps you understand your emotional responses and prepares you to handle them in the future. Once you’ve identified your triggers, you can develop strategies to either avoid or manage them healthily.
    
    

17. Practice Self-Compassion: Show yourself the same kindness you would offer a loved one who is hurting. Acknowledge that what you’re going through is difficult and that it’s okay to take time to heal. Self-compassion is crucial for recovery, helping you nurture yourself through the pain without judgment.